You Want me to Move the Schmitt House?


I was on Kennebecasis Island last week crawling along a dusty road perched on my 1960 Massey Ferguson MF 204 tractor when one of my neighbors waved me down with; “Can I get you to move the Schmitt house”.

I know most of the folks on the island and I don’t remember a Schmitt family. Besides I question whether my little tractor could move a house. I turned my noisy tractor off and replied with; “I don’t even know where the Schmitts live.”   ”

No, no”, he said; “the shit house”! I seems that he was building a new super duper outhouse and he wanted the old outhouse gone. Humm….I was in need of a tool shed to keep my 50 year old chain saw, a broken axe and a rusty saw so I said; “Ok, I’ll take it”.

I slide the tractors forks under it, chained it to the tractor and off I went down the lane.. The only problem is that the tractor doesn’t have much in the way of brakes and I had a little hill to go down that met with ….you guessed …. the main road where there was a chance of being T-boned…. Oh!oh! I thought a my life passed before my eyes, I can see it now the headline in the Telegraph Journal: Former Opinion Columnist Crushed by Shit House.  Luck was on my side and I made the turn without dumping the load. An hour later the decommissioned outhouse came to rest in the shad of an old oak tree to become a tool shed.

This ain’t no shit show, here on red neck island we recycle.