After President Jacob Zuma’s statement a few weeks ago that all the problems in South Africa started with the arrival of Jan van Riebeeck in 1652……. A Brit responded..
I know, I know… We had the same problems in England, you know…
First we had the Picts and the Scots. And then came the Romans who stuck around for about four centuries.
Then we had the Angles and the Saxons and all those other Germanic tribes. Oh ho! Then came the Danes and their Viking mates, a nauseating bunch of horny helmeted rapists and looters they were.
Nevertheless, the Danes were eventually displaced by the Normans, who turned out to be Frenchmen in disguise – but we were a bit slow to recognise the fact until it was too late; anyway, they were led by the Duke of Normandy, who was a real bastard, and who gave our wimpy king a right one in the eye. (The bloody French are still hanging around with their cheese and their bread and their wine and their accordion music and their fancy restaurants, seducing our people away from our culture of slap chips with custard.)
And then, and then, came the Dutch when King William and Queen Mary of Orange popped over and started causing nonsense with the Irish at the Battle of the Boyne. The Irish have never completely forgiven us, so they came over and settled all our building sites.
Then the Germans came back again, surreptitiously,and occupied the top of the Mall in Buckingham Palace…
And yet, and yet… All of these people (well most!) have contributed to make England and the English a great and democratic nation. And yet, I have never felt the slightest inclination to bomb Rome, to shatter the Pyramids, to close a Pakistani restaurant, to nuke the Ka’aba in Mecca, to blow up a bus in Jerusalem, to chop off the head of a Nigerian etc. (And even if I have, I have controlled myself from saying so.)
I have few words for Mr Zuma and his depraved ANC: Grow up, or piss off. You stand in the way of civilization.